Today, January 6, is the one year mark from the day I left my ex-husband. If you have read much of my blog, you know that I'm doing really well. So much  has changed in my life since that day one year ago. I decided to leave in December, but I couldn't leave right away. I would have if I was in physical danger, but I wasn't. Since I was fine physically, I decided to stick around long enough to have some repairs done to my car, decide what to take right away and what to pack up for a future moving day, and allow my in-laws to celebrate the holidays joyfully. The weird, leaving-but-not-leaving-yet period was very strange. My ex took the news of my leaving pretty well, and told me that he wanted me to be happy in the long run. I was a wreck emotionally, and he actually tried to comfort me at times. Sometimes I let him. I needed the comfort, and he's the one that was there, at home. And at the time, I didn't WANT to leave him. Finally, The Day came. In some ways, ...

There are many things that are different, now that I have left my husband. I  live in a different part of the state. I live with my parents again until I can get some things figured out financially. I'm attending the church I attended before moving away when I got married, but there is a new pastor now. I no longer have the security a wife has (or should have) of someone taking care of her. I know my family will take care of me, and my church will. No one will ever let me be without things I need. I'm driving an old Toyota I've had forever, because my husband got to keep the newer car. I wouldn't have wanted to bring the payments with me, along with the newer car, so there is that. I loved my role as a full-time housekeeper/cook/domestic goddess when I was with my husband. When I left, I knew I would have to polish up my resume and find employment. At this point I've only had temporary jobs, but something will open up. It's not easy reinventing myself. ...

Have you ever thought, "If only I could lose weight?" or "If only I could afford a new car?" Quite a few of us have! Hopefully, those are only passing thoughts and we don't get stuck there. I've had some "if onlys" come to the surface during my healing process. I think that's pretty normal. If only I had been wiser. If only we had taken the dating process more slowly and given any red flags time to show themselves clearly. If only he had been what he seemed. If only I had asked harder questions. If only I had tried marriage counseling earlier. If only I had been more honest with our mutual friends about what he was like. If only we had gotten better advice. If only he had gotten the kick in the rear that he needed instead of me being told things that I needed to do. The big one I have struggled with is when I felt like I was close to the end of my rope and sought out help, but I didn't feel like our situation was taken as serious...

Leaving my husband is probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. There is a lot I'm not ready to talk about publicly, but I knew for a while that separation was coming. I hoped my husband would be the one to decide he had had enough and break things off;  I didn't want to be the one to make that hard decision. But an evening came when I realized I couldn't take it anymore. One last thing happened that reinforced what I already knew had to happen eventually. I was really upset that night. I made my decision, but I was afraid that as time went by I would change my mind. I texted one of my best friends and told her I was leaving. Then the next day I told my parents, my brother, and another best friend. These people were my safety net. If I decided to back out in the coming days or weeks, they were to hold me accountable and make sure I followed through with my decision because at that time I still didn't want to leave. I just knew I HAD to. The e...

Valentine's Day. The day that singles everywhere hate. It reminds them that they still don't have the relationship they want while everyone else seems to be happily coupled off. If that sounds WAY too familiar to you, then please read the rest of this. Sometimes it helps us all to have a little different perspective. In thinking about writing this blog I decided to be honest about some things that have been very painful in my life. Sometimes it's so hard to open up about things; hiding can be so much easier. But I don't know if I can heal completely that way, and if I can somehow help other people by sharing parts of my story, I'd like to. I got married a little over 5 1/2 years ago on a hot June day. My dress and my hair were perfect, and I was thrilled to be marrying the man I was head-over-heels in love with. He was clearly crazy about me too. I didn't buy into the idea that life would be perfect, but I thought it would be pretty amazing with a lot of har...