There are many things that are different, now that I have left my husband.
I live in a different part of the state. I live with my parents again until I can get some things figured out financially. I'm attending the church I attended before moving away when I got married, but there is a new pastor now.
I no longer have the security a wife has (or should have) of someone taking care of her. I know my family will take care of me, and my church will. No one will ever let me be without things I need. I'm driving an old Toyota I've had forever, because my husband got to keep the newer car. I wouldn't have wanted to bring the payments with me, along with the newer car, so there is that.
I loved my role as a full-time housekeeper/cook/domestic goddess when I was with my husband. When I left, I knew I would have to polish up my resume and find employment. At this point I've only had temporary jobs, but something will open up. It's not easy reinventing myself. I loved marriage (the institution) and how I was able to contribute. What I didn't love was my particular relationship and how I was treated within our marriage, if that makes any sense.
I guess I've said all of that to lead up to this: I was thinking recently about the changes in my life. There are so many differences between "now" and "then." But one big thing stuck with me, and I really think it is the biggest change of all.
Now I have hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope that I can have a happy, full life. Hope that I can dream some dreams and make them come true. Six months ago I really didn't have hope. I tried to. I put on a brave face. But it just wasn't there.
It's amazing what change can happen in a few short months with a few right circumstances. Hope can even happen.
I live in a different part of the state. I live with my parents again until I can get some things figured out financially. I'm attending the church I attended before moving away when I got married, but there is a new pastor now.
I no longer have the security a wife has (or should have) of someone taking care of her. I know my family will take care of me, and my church will. No one will ever let me be without things I need. I'm driving an old Toyota I've had forever, because my husband got to keep the newer car. I wouldn't have wanted to bring the payments with me, along with the newer car, so there is that.
I loved my role as a full-time housekeeper/cook/domestic goddess when I was with my husband. When I left, I knew I would have to polish up my resume and find employment. At this point I've only had temporary jobs, but something will open up. It's not easy reinventing myself. I loved marriage (the institution) and how I was able to contribute. What I didn't love was my particular relationship and how I was treated within our marriage, if that makes any sense.
I guess I've said all of that to lead up to this: I was thinking recently about the changes in my life. There are so many differences between "now" and "then." But one big thing stuck with me, and I really think it is the biggest change of all.
Now I have hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope that I can have a happy, full life. Hope that I can dream some dreams and make them come true. Six months ago I really didn't have hope. I tried to. I put on a brave face. But it just wasn't there.
It's amazing what change can happen in a few short months with a few right circumstances. Hope can even happen.
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ReplyDeleteI deleted my previous comment because I didn't feel that it pertained to your particular situation. I liked what you said about change. Some change is good and necessary.
ReplyDeleteIn order for there to be a change, a change must be made. That is where you are, and hopefully I can gradually initiate some positive changes in my life.
At the graduation last night, Bro. Brown from Eugene spoke about having perfect circles in our lives. He used the compass as his illustration. The dot in the center is God, and then we try to put positive people and influences in our individual circles. So our circles can be either small or large, depending.
Right now my circle is relatively small. There is God at the center, but yet there is a lot of empty space. I just don't know how to get people in, and many don't want to be in my circle. Therefore, change is inevitable. Sometimes you have to give up one thing to get another; such is life.
I'm glad you feel hope once again. We can't lose hope.