If you're married or even seriously dating you might read books and blogs with marriage advice. You'll hear advice from pastors, family, friends, maybe even strangers. A lot of that advice will be good for some, or even most situations. The problem is when you are hearing and reading advice that isn't good for you. The person giving the advice will mean well. But they just can't see the full picture. Today I want to talk about some advice that can actually be harmful if implemented in a toxic marriage. I'm not listing these in a particular order. I'm just writing as I think of these.  Don't talk negatively about your spouse to other people. See the problem with this? If you are being abused in some way, keeping quiet about it is the last thing you should do. This just enables the abuse to go on. Tell people what is happening to you. Some may not believe you. Find someone that will.  Don't focus on the change your spouse needs to make. Focus on...

Have you ever thought, "If only I could lose weight?" or "If only I could afford a new car?" Quite a few of us have! Hopefully, those are only passing thoughts and we don't get stuck there. I've had some "if onlys" come to the surface during my healing process. I think that's pretty normal. If only I had been wiser. If only we had taken the dating process more slowly and given any red flags time to show themselves clearly. If only he had been what he seemed. If only I had asked harder questions. If only I had tried marriage counseling earlier. If only I had been more honest with our mutual friends about what he was like. If only we had gotten better advice. If only he had gotten the kick in the rear that he needed instead of me being told things that I needed to do. The big one I have struggled with is when I felt like I was close to the end of my rope and sought out help, but I didn't feel like our situation was taken as serious...