Valentine's Day. The day that singles everywhere hate. It reminds them that they still don't have the relationship they want while everyone else seems to be happily coupled off. If that sounds WAY too familiar to you, then please read the rest of this. Sometimes it helps us all to have a little different perspective.
In thinking about writing this blog I decided to be honest about some things that have been very painful in my life. Sometimes it's so hard to open up about things; hiding can be so much easier. But I don't know if I can heal completely that way, and if I can somehow help other people by sharing parts of my story, I'd like to.
I got married a little over 5 1/2 years ago on a hot June day. My dress and my hair were perfect, and I was thrilled to be marrying the man I was head-over-heels in love with. He was clearly crazy about me too. I didn't buy into the idea that life would be perfect, but I thought it would be pretty amazing with a lot of hard work.
Our marriage turned out to be a disaster, for a lot of reasons. Some things I just don't want to say on here. Maybe later, but not right now. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced something like this. But I would describe it this way: as time went by, it's like he was slowly crushing my soul. A year into our marriage I started having migraines. After another year or year-and-a-half, I started having insomnia too. You can't convince me they aren't related to the increased emotional stress in my life.
At times I tried to get some help for our marriage, but sometimes "help" isn't truly helpful. I was in a marriage that was sometimes mediocre, sometimes, bad, and for a long time, I didn't have the level of support I needed. My family has always been behind me, but most people believed my husband to be a fine, upstanding guy with a few things he needs to work on. (After all, aren't we all human?) It's only been in the last 6 months that he really showed some of his true colors and everyone rallied around me like never before.
I left him in January, and I'm getting on with my life. Already I'm so much happier, and I'm sleeping better. I'm confident my health and emotional well-being will continue to improve as time goes by.
So I guess what I want to say to the singles today is this: It's totally OK and normal to long for something you don't have yet. But be aware that today there are married people out there who are so cynical about this day that's supposed to celebrate love. Because they thought they found love, and now that "love" is destroying them. Somewhere there is a terrified girl wondering if her boyfriend will beat her again. There's a wife weeping because her husband won't stop sleeping around. There's a man who just doesn't know what to do about his wife's alcoholism. Again, it's OK to want more. Just be thankful you're not in a situation you desperately need to get out of. So try to smile, and have some good-quality chocolate.
In thinking about writing this blog I decided to be honest about some things that have been very painful in my life. Sometimes it's so hard to open up about things; hiding can be so much easier. But I don't know if I can heal completely that way, and if I can somehow help other people by sharing parts of my story, I'd like to.
I got married a little over 5 1/2 years ago on a hot June day. My dress and my hair were perfect, and I was thrilled to be marrying the man I was head-over-heels in love with. He was clearly crazy about me too. I didn't buy into the idea that life would be perfect, but I thought it would be pretty amazing with a lot of hard work.
Our marriage turned out to be a disaster, for a lot of reasons. Some things I just don't want to say on here. Maybe later, but not right now. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced something like this. But I would describe it this way: as time went by, it's like he was slowly crushing my soul. A year into our marriage I started having migraines. After another year or year-and-a-half, I started having insomnia too. You can't convince me they aren't related to the increased emotional stress in my life.
At times I tried to get some help for our marriage, but sometimes "help" isn't truly helpful. I was in a marriage that was sometimes mediocre, sometimes, bad, and for a long time, I didn't have the level of support I needed. My family has always been behind me, but most people believed my husband to be a fine, upstanding guy with a few things he needs to work on. (After all, aren't we all human?) It's only been in the last 6 months that he really showed some of his true colors and everyone rallied around me like never before.
I left him in January, and I'm getting on with my life. Already I'm so much happier, and I'm sleeping better. I'm confident my health and emotional well-being will continue to improve as time goes by.
So I guess what I want to say to the singles today is this: It's totally OK and normal to long for something you don't have yet. But be aware that today there are married people out there who are so cynical about this day that's supposed to celebrate love. Because they thought they found love, and now that "love" is destroying them. Somewhere there is a terrified girl wondering if her boyfriend will beat her again. There's a wife weeping because her husband won't stop sleeping around. There's a man who just doesn't know what to do about his wife's alcoholism. Again, it's OK to want more. Just be thankful you're not in a situation you desperately need to get out of. So try to smile, and have some good-quality chocolate.
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