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Safe People: What I'm learning

No, I haven’t died. Life is just happening. 

Lately I’ve been reading Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It is the first of several books I want to read as part of my healing process, and it is a real eye-opener. I’m not even finished with it yet, but I have seen myself in some of the pages. 


One thing I recognized in myself is what the authors refer to as the false solution of doing the opposite. I was once deeply hurt by a guy who was dominated by his mother and just couldn’t cut the apron strings. So when I met the man I married and he was rude and unkind to his mother, I didn’t recognize that as the red flag it was. I was just so glad he didn’t let her push him around. In that regard, I was drawn to the opposite of what I had before when neither extreme was healthy. 

The book talks quite a bit about people who close themselves off from relationships, both romantic and platonic, because they have been hurt in the past. I’m certainly in that position right now romantically. I’ve had to face the fact that I have been a horrible judge of character in the past. And what’s to keep me from being a poor judge of character in the future? I know I have learned some lessons I won’t soon forget, but still. I don’t ever want to hurt like that again. I would rather never love again than love and be trampled on. I have enormous trust issues. 

As I said, I haven’t finished reading Safe People, but so far I would recommend it. Have any of you read it? Let me know what you thought in the comments!

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  1. UnknownAugust 8, 2018 at 6:30 PM

    I have heard it said that it is wise to free ourselves of relationships that are unsafe either mentally, spiritually, or physically. I have experienced both of those "extremes" you mentioned, in previous relationships, so I know where you're coming from.

    I looked for red flags while on my vacation. This includes family, friends, and even church folks. Certain behavioral patterns will show up if we watch for them, and we can sense when something is off kilter. It was definitely a learning experience for me.

    In one of the churches I visited I didn't feel I could trust everyone, even though I knew most of these people in and from the past. I weighed it out and decided to not go back - for fear of being hurt. Well, that was the underlying reason, although some other situations factored in.

    As far as romance goes, I'm not there yet, but if or when it happens, I want to be careful.

    Perhaps I can find this book used on Amazon. It sounds like a good read.

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