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What Must They Think?

It's been too long since my last post. I have nothing to say for myself, except that life has been happening.

I've had a migraine today, so this may not be very eloquent. But something has come to mind a few times lately that I want to discuss.

If you've read my blog before, then you know my story, or at least part of it. It's not pretty by any means! I was a young woman hoping and praying to meet an amazing man who would sweep me off my feet. Then I met someone who seemed so amazing, and we were both smitten, and we got married and lived happily ever after. Except we didn't. We got married, and after a while I slowly started to realize what a huge mistake I had made. I was in a painful mess. You probably know that, but it's a recap for any first-time readers. (And please check out some of my other posts)

Every once in a while I'll be in a conversation with someone about things that I went through in my marriage, and I can't help but think, "What must they think of me?" I know I'm not the one to blame. I know I'm the victim in the events that happened. But there is still shame involved sometimes, especially when I tell details in person that I'm not comfortable talking about online. Do people wonder how I got myself into such a predicament? Do they wonder how I didn't see it coming? Do they wonder how I could possibly have such poor judgment?
Unlike most of my blog posts, I don't have a major point that I'm trying to get to with this. I don't really have answers. I guess I'm just trying to be honest that this is one of the things that I have faced. And hopefully writing about it will help me process it more. 

I do know that even if and when other people's opinions about me aren't quite right, that doesn't really matter. What matters is what's really happened, and who I am inside. Also, where I am going and who I am becoming. 

This will have to do for now. I'll try to bring my A game next time! 
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Comments

  1. UnknownJune 21, 2018 at 9:57 AM

    I would not worry one iota about what people think. What else could you have done - really? I sometimes wonder what folks think of me as a widow. Do they look at me as a murderer because I couldn't save him? I think some do. It takes time to process grief normally, but people's opinions, who were not there when it happened, tend to put things in slow motion.

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    Replies
    1. Contemplations of an EmpathJuly 3, 2018 at 7:35 PM

      I know I couldn't have done anything else. And I don't really worry about it. It just...I guess crosses my mind at times. But I don't let that rule my mind.

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