Most people are familiar with the idea that there are several stages of grief. That can be grief for a loved one or even grief for a lost relationship. Psychology Today lists 5 stages of grieving a relationship: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
I've read that these stages may not be in order, and not everyone experiences all 5 stages.
Anyone want to guess what stage I am in right now? Yeah, that would be anger. And it's not fun. I should clarify that I'm not flying off the handle and making life miserable for the people around me. But sometimes I really want to throw my phone across the room, or something like that. (Thankfully I haven't given into that since iPhone screens aren't exactly cheap to replace!)
Anger is a funny thing. While I'm trying to heal from a particular situation, I'm finding that other things and other people can trigger anger right now. Recently there was a situation involving a different person that had me angry and sitting in the kitchen crying. That's not normal for me at all.
Anger can cause headaches, digestion problems, insomnia, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems, heart attack, and stroke. So for the physical body alone, it's important to get through this phase and continue healing.
So what to do? I'm not entirely sure. It's certainly good to have an outlet, such as exercise, journaling, or purging junk out of the house. One thing I'm trying to do during my journey is not stuff my feelings inside. Sometimes it's really important for me to talk things out with someone I trust. When I have negative feelings I try to acknowledge them, pray about them, and try to release them. The releasing part usually isn't a one-shot thing; I have to keep trying.
I don't like the fact that I have to heal. It's not fair. And I don't like this stage that I'm in. But I am healing. I'll get through this.
Readers, have you been through the anger stage before? What are your tips for coming through it a better person?
Just say that I can relate. As a twice widow, I can doubly relate. Right now I am hovering somewhere between anger and depression - two very closely knit stages of grief. I am angry with what happened, and depressed about being alone and yes, lonely. I t does take a toll on your health. I have been trying to get into the doctor's office for some tests - such as an EKG, gall bladder, etc.
ReplyDeleteWith it having been a year, most everyone thinks I should be "over" it, but that is hardly the case. Oh yeah, and another emotion (stage) is GUILT, which in turn, brings on more anger and depression.
In our church world, we are not supposed to talk about these things, but this is not the solution to the problem. We are not boy scouts - "Don't ask; don't tell." We are told by well-meaning saints to simply "look to Jesus." True, to a degree, but God uses other people to carry out his work, oft-times. When this much needed support is withheld, then we get stuck in our grief. Consequently, health issues sometimes result.
My blood pressure has been high; I have anxiety attacks, which could also be heart problems or gall bladder, who knows what. Yet we are told to be strong, but we know we aren't.
The show must go on, I suppose. If we can't keep up in our wounded condition, then we will be left behind, lost in the shuffle.
Ashley, I have been where you are too. It's a different type of loss, but very similar. A close cousin. I joined a support group called Daily Strength, and I'm sure that would be frowned upon by certain groups. You have to pick out the bones, but it does help in my darkest hours to know that there are others out there going through the same thing. I want to heal; I want to be happy again. I want to live.
I tried to reply to you earlier from my phone, and I didn't realize it didn't go through!
DeleteIt's really hard for people to grasp what a person is going through unless they have been there. And people definitely think the healing process should be faster than it is. I sure wish it worked that way, and I know you do too!
I'm glad you have found that support group. That probably helps you more than you even realize.
Love you and praying for you!
The support group isn't what I hoped. The main board is run by agnostics, meaning they have the upper hand. I suggested they use less "expletives," and I had about 50 people counter-act me. We can't say anything about God though, or they are ready for attack. So currently I am on a different board called Widows and Widowers of Faith, to see how that goes. If that turns sour, then I may just blog.
DeleteI am going to have several tests, so please pray that all is well.