It's been eight months since I left my ex-husband. Only a few months really, but so much healing has happened in my life in that short amount of time. I posted a while back about the biggest difference between now and then being hope. That's still true. I used to be so stuck, and now I can dream and see so many possibilities for my life.
Recently my mom and I went to my former town for the weekend. I was able to attend church where I attended for 5 1/2 years. I saw friends that I have been missing. It really was a good time!
I've mentioned before that before I left I really had a hard time keeping myself together. I was constantly on the verge of tears. I'm sure anyone who wasn't oblivious could see it. That's why it was good to hear a couple of the comments that weekend from some of the people that I used to go to church with.
One lady told me I was beautiful. I know we usually think of beauty as clear skin, straight teeth, stylish clothes, and carefully-done hair. But when she said it, it seemed deeper. Like she was telling me I looked healthy. Like I am healing. Like my life is happy again. And it is.
Another lady told me that I look happy. I told her that I am. I said that I'm still healing, but I'm in a really good place, and I'm happy.
Sometimes I think about how things used to be. I was so unhappy. I was just lost. It was really taking a toll on my body. It seemed like things would never get better. What a hopeless feeling! I am so thankful for the change in my life and for the people who have been a part of it, including the people I got to see from my former church. What a great support system!
My pastor has told me that he has been surprised at how well I have done considering what I have been through. And quite frankly, I've been surprised too! When I have considered why I have had so much healing in less than a year, I come up with a couple things:
1. I didn't need to do a lot of grieving for my marriage after I left, because I did a lot of grieving during my marriage. By the time I left I had already experienced so much grief, I was pretty much ready to move on and begin healing.
2. Moving from an unhealthy environment to a healthy environment has made such a huge difference for me. While I have major trust issues when it comes to romantic relationships, my trust in other key people in my life hasn't been shaken. My family has been incredible. My pastor and his wife have been amazing. (There is probably an awesome Greek word for that, but I don't know it!) My church has accepted me and supported me without any judgment for my baggage.
I'll end with these lyrics from a song from the civil rights movement:
There have been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will
Recently my mom and I went to my former town for the weekend. I was able to attend church where I attended for 5 1/2 years. I saw friends that I have been missing. It really was a good time!
I've mentioned before that before I left I really had a hard time keeping myself together. I was constantly on the verge of tears. I'm sure anyone who wasn't oblivious could see it. That's why it was good to hear a couple of the comments that weekend from some of the people that I used to go to church with.
One lady told me I was beautiful. I know we usually think of beauty as clear skin, straight teeth, stylish clothes, and carefully-done hair. But when she said it, it seemed deeper. Like she was telling me I looked healthy. Like I am healing. Like my life is happy again. And it is.
Another lady told me that I look happy. I told her that I am. I said that I'm still healing, but I'm in a really good place, and I'm happy.
Sometimes I think about how things used to be. I was so unhappy. I was just lost. It was really taking a toll on my body. It seemed like things would never get better. What a hopeless feeling! I am so thankful for the change in my life and for the people who have been a part of it, including the people I got to see from my former church. What a great support system!
My pastor has told me that he has been surprised at how well I have done considering what I have been through. And quite frankly, I've been surprised too! When I have considered why I have had so much healing in less than a year, I come up with a couple things:
1. I didn't need to do a lot of grieving for my marriage after I left, because I did a lot of grieving during my marriage. By the time I left I had already experienced so much grief, I was pretty much ready to move on and begin healing.
2. Moving from an unhealthy environment to a healthy environment has made such a huge difference for me. While I have major trust issues when it comes to romantic relationships, my trust in other key people in my life hasn't been shaken. My family has been incredible. My pastor and his wife have been amazing. (There is probably an awesome Greek word for that, but I don't know it!) My church has accepted me and supported me without any judgment for my baggage.
I'll end with these lyrics from a song from the civil rights movement:
There have been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will
Beautiful 💖💖💖
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